Is this better than this? But like the video of the first one vs the real version of the second.

This week on The Best Thing ever we have an incredible showdown: Cat Videos vs Fresh Bread. Which will win in the rankings? Let’s examine.

Cat videos

• Being gluten intolerant doesn’t change how much you can enjoy cat videos.
• Fresh bread gets stale, but I just watched Mary jumping into a box and after 12 years, that kitty still slaps.
• Finally, if it weren’t for cats, we might not even have bread! When humans went to surplus agriculture we had the great idea of keeping all our grain in a pile in a hole. All the mice were like, yay, free grain in a convenient hole, I’m in. Some humanity was almost screwed until cats were like, yay, free mice on a pile of grain I don’t care about. So if you like bread, thank a cat.

Fresh bread

• The smell. At best cat videos smell like nothing, unless you’re making them, in which case they smell like cats. Whereas fresh bread is possibly the single greatest smell we’ve ever created.
• Bread is part of humans harnessing the power of microbes to make calories easier to digest, meaning a bakery is basically a giant cow stomach. Pretty amazing.
• While cats are great and legit adorbs, you could pretty much delete every cat video this isn’t and we’d just switch over to armadillos. But get rid of bread and we lose half of humanity’s caloric intake. Plenty of people would eat rice, but rice sandwiches are way messier.
• You can make a pretty good loaf of bread on your own if you work at it! On the other hand, just try and getting a cat to do ANYTHING.

While we definitely owe a debt to cats for getting civilization kicked off and distracting us during this current late capitalist hellscape, fresh bread gets the nod for keeping us alive long enough to watch all the cat videos we want.

Am I right? Wrong? Let me know in the comments your favorite breads and cat videos. And for even more on bread and cats, check out our podcast the best thing ever, and tune in next week when we’ll see if Miyazaki’s timeless cat bus video, My Neighbor Totoro can unseat bread as the new Best Thing Ever.